I have always struggled with the gap between what people may see or think of me and how I see myself. You guys would often comment and acknowledge the patience that I had in certain circumstances.
I read your words but I couldn't really feel them as I didn't feel patient. Instead, often times, I felt frustrated, helpless, and sometimes hopeless. There were many moments with Ellie, for example, that were that way for me.
I couldn't receive your kind words because they didn't mirror my own internal thoughts and dialogue. Which made me feel guilty and like a fraud.
Then I realized something… ????
Patience isn't the lack of being challenged, frustrated or hopeless. Patience is when internally frustration is there but you don't act on it. Patience is feeling the frustration and still being kind, gentle and loving.
Patience is a skill that we demonstrate in the face of circumstances that are challenging.
So this #Thanksgiving – I'm thankful to you, to Ellie and every other situation I've been in that has helped strengthen my ability to be patient.